In what professional sport could you last the longest without totally embarrassing yourself? – Raphael

That’s a solid question. Since I love lists, let’s count it down.

8) Golf: One swing, just one, and I’m laughed off the course.

7) Tennis: These individual sports are brutal. There’s nowhere to hide.

6) NBA: I guess I could do my best Bruce Bowen impersonation and stand in the corner on offense, waiting to shoot 3-pointers, but on defense I would get absolutely torched. I’m a 7-foot stiff stuck in a point guard’s body.

5) NFL: I’ve been trying to figure out a position to play. I think my best bet would be slot receiver. Just don’t throw me the ball or design any running plays my way, and we’ll be fine.

4) NHL: I would definitely be awful, but with four other teammates skating around, you could probably stick me in as a defenseman and it would take at least two minutes before the other team scored. It would basically be a permanent power play while I’m on the ice.

3) Soccer: Same thing as the NHL. Stick me on defense, and I’ll try my best not to look foolish. And I’m not on skates, so that’s why this is ranked higher.

2) MLB: I’m fairly confident that, if everything went right, you could throw me in at second base and I could last two innings before someone figured out I wasn’t a prospect up from Triple-A. I can field grounders, and even when I strike out (looking, of course) I would argue with the umpire enough to make it look like I was the victim of a blown call. One request: Please no pop-ups. Please.

1) WNBA: Give me a wig, a razor and three months of training, and I guarantee you I’m competing for the third-string small forward spot in the WNBA.

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